Still Talking About Feminist Issues

While Claire and I may not be regularly blogging on here anymore, we are still regularly talking about feminism and feminist issues!

I am still writing, and have had several pieces published on Flurt! covering everything from Lady Gaga, to rape culture, to Pope Francis. You can find them here. I've also recently been published on xoJane !

You can also find Claire and I on twitter (where we regularly tweet about feminist issues).
Claire: @Claireabelle39
Devonne: @itsmedevonnek

Keep smashing the patriarchy.
XOXO
Devonne

I Wouldn't Need to Be A Feminist to Hate "Blurred Lines"

Robin Thicke may “hate these blurred lines” but I assure you, he does not hate them as much as I hate his song “Blurred Lines”. I switch radio stations when it comes on. I would rather listen to commercials than hear about how Thicke is going “liberate” me. I can’t even enjoy the feminist parodies, because I. Cannot. Stand. This. Song. My friends hate it as well. The feminists I follow on twitter have expressed their dislike of the summer hit, with Laci Green calling it “rapey”.  I’ve read more than one article, including this excellent piece by Elizabeth Plank, explaining why the song and video are sexist. I agree that the lyrics are all kinds of problematic and the music video is incredibly objectifying of women. When the artist himself admits the video is degrading to women, it’s not a hard case to make.  But I wouldn’t need to be a feminist to hate this song, and I’m not going to do a feminist analysis of it as that’s already been done.

I’ve read the other side of the argument, that “rapey” is too strong a word. As Jennifer Lai of Slate notes, "nothing about 'I know you want it' is saying 'I know you want it, and I'm going to force you to have it". It’s a fair point. Perhaps the issue is that the song (like most songs) lacks context. Maybe the girl is super into Robin Thicke and really does want it. I have my doubts about that. He sounds an awful lot like the creepy guy at the bar who keeps following you around the dance floor. But we don’t really know for sure what the other side of that situation looks like.

However, when I hear “I know you want it”, I place it in my own context. I remember hearing “She’s fighting you but she wants it” and “She wants it, she just doesn’t know she wants it”. And I know what the other side of that situation looked like. It was me drunkenly mumbling “No, no, I don’t want it” and trying to push my “friend” away from me while some random guy watching kept assuring him that I did indeed “want it”.  It was me trying to figure out why this person who I had been platonically hanging out with all week suddenly wouldn’t stop touching me. When I think about “blurred lines” I remember my “friend” laughing and asking “Are you saying yes or no Devonne?” and “Don’t you like me Devonne?”.  I remember trying to figure out how I ended up on this bed, and how I was going to get back to my hotel room because it was so dark, and I was so dizzy, and I wasn’t sure I could walk back by myself. And “you’re a good girl” reminds me of how I rambled on about how I usually didn’t drink this much, how I usually was so responsible because some part of me thought that if I convinced them that I was “a good girl” they would start respecting me. I remember eventually running out of the room and somehow making it back to my hotel room.

I later wage an internal war trying to make sense of that evening. I think “well maybe I didn’t say ‘stop’ maybe I just thought I did. Maybe I wasn’t being clear”. But then I think of the guy watching saying “she’s fighting you” and “she just doesn’t know she wants it” and I am positive that at no point in time did I look like I wanted any of it. I tell a few of my close friends, but I throw it in with other stories, making sure to tell it in the same casual tone of voice so they don’t think I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I assure them that “I was fine and nothing happened”. But I wasn’t really fine. I wasn’t sexually assaulted and my experience doesn’t compare to a sexual assault survivor’s. But I was made to feel helpless and alone, and like my “no” was absolutely meaningless and I don’t think that’s an okay thing to do to someone.

That is the context of this song for me. That will forever be the context of this song for me. This is a personal story but I am not the only person who hates this song. I am not the only person whose skin crawls every time they hear it. When my friends listen to it, they think of all the guys at bars who try to grab them on the dance floor, who seem convinced that if they harass them enough, my friends will want them. That is the context they place this song in. Robin Thicke probably didn’t have that in mind when he wrote it because he’s most likely never experienced those situations. He can make jokes about “what a pleasure it is to degrade a woman” because he isn't a woman and he doesn't know what it's like to live in a society that constantly degrades you.

I won’t judge you if you want to dance when Pharrell says “Everybody get up”. It’s a catchy song. Unfortunately for many of us, our lived experiences make dancing to “Blurred Lines” impossible.

Devonne is a Flurt!

Okay so I know that we've been slacking in terms of updating the blog lately but I actually have a good excuse! I was writing...just not for this blog. Back in June a very good friend of mine invited me to a launch party for a local magazine called Flurt! (the exclamation is part of their name, I'm not just adding exclamation points to every sentence). It quickly made it into my list of favourite feminist websites. Recently I had the opportunity to contribute to their website which was super exciting for me. If you're interested you can check out my piece on Madonna and Pussy Riot and while you're at it check out the rest of the website as well. Thanks SO MUCH for taking the time to read this blog and I promise there will be a new post coming soon!

Get Off That ATV...It's Pink and You're a Boy

“You don’t want a pink quad do you?”

This is the sentence that got me all worked up last Friday. Let me provide some context here - I work in an ATV store and we sell a lot of little quads to a lot of little kids. Our smallest quads come in a variety of colours including metallic blue, green camo, red, burgundy, black spider, red spider…and pink camo. I know I sound like I’m launching into a sales pitch but I’m really about to launch into a rant about gender stereotypes. Although by the time I’m done you might wish I’d given the sales pitch instead. So anyway, kids come into the store all the time, they sit on the quads and they beg their parents to buy one. This was exactly the situation that was taking place on Friday and it was fairly ordinary except for one little detail. It was a boy on a pink quad. This is obviously a terrible, terrible thing and must be stopped immediately. I was doing paperwork at my desk when I hear one of the sales guys repeatedly said to this little boy “You don’t want a pink quad do you?” “Why would you want a pink quad?”  I spun around in my chair (I have one of those really big chairs that spins which allows me to do dramatic things like whirl around suddenly) and said loudly “Why not?” My co-worker (what do you call someone who is higher up than you but not your boss? Can you say co-worker?)  didn’t pay any attention, I don’t know if he didn’t hear or was just ignoring me. The little boy seemed oblivious altogether, he continued to pretend to ride the quad and ask his dad if he could have it. The father also ignored the comments about the pink quad. But the sister (who looked about 7) responded. She said to her brother “They don’t want you to be a girl”. The sales guy just kept on going, telling this kid that he didn’t want that quad. I walked by and told him to “stop gender stereotyping!” Once again I am ignored. At this point I decide that it’s probably a bad idea to go on a feminist rant and make a scene in front of a customer.

If I had been braver/didn’t care about keeping my job I would have told him that pink being a “girl’s colour” is a fairly recent concept that has nothing to do with biology and everything to do with society. I would have told them that kids should be able to like whatever colours they choose. And I would have told them that the fact that girl’s colours are so embarrassing and so bad is gender stratification and teaches girls that their gender is a negative thing.

The “pink is for girls” stuff obviously doesn’t begin at an ATV store. It begins with balloons and cards announcing that “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl” and little onesies in either blue or pink. So where did these binaries come from? For something that seems so natural in our culture it’s not as old as you think. I’m talking like not even a century old. In fact, all Western babies used to be dressed in white dresses until the age of six, regardless of sex. And when pastel pink and pastel blue were first introduced as baby colours, pink was for boys and blue for girls. A 1918 article from Earshaw’s Infants’ Department said “the generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl”. Various department stores across the U.S. echoed this sentiment. Somehow things changed in the 1940s to the gender-specific colours we’re used to today. Jo B. Paoletti, a historian at the University of Maryland and the author of Pink and Blue: Telling the Girls From the Boys in America says that “What was once a matter of practicality—you dress your baby in white dresses and diapers; white cotton can be bleached—became a matter of ‘Oh my God, if I dress my baby in the wrong thing, they’ll grow up perverted”. Given the historical context of gender-specific colours, my co-worker’s comments about a boy on a pink quad seem ridiculously overdramatic.

What’s also important to note is that while this boy being on a pink quad was something to deter, I am certain that if his older sister had gotten on a blue quad, or a black spider quad, or any other colour for that matter, it would have been completely fine. Dressing a little boy in pink is treated like an awful thing to do, but dressing a little girl in blue isn’t a big deal. His sister was exactly right when she said “they don’t want you to be a girl”. Because it’s true. Your daughter is a tomboy? Not a big deal (for most families at least). Your son wants to play with dolls and play fairy princess? Oh my goodness, the apocalypse is coming. Being a girl is seen as a negative thing, and masculinity is valued over femininity. This is known as gender stratification (heteropatriarchy, gender stratification…aren’t you glad feminists came up with words for all the terrible things society came up with?).

I’m not completely clueless. I realize that even though colours shouldn’t matter, they do matter. I am aware that we sell our pink quads and our pink helmets exclusively to females, primarily because our male customers don’t want pink and our female customers do. But if a six year old boy comes into our store and hasn’t been taught to stay away from pink, then we should be celebrating. We shouldn’t be teaching dumb rules that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

* By the way our 110cc ATVs also come with remote kill, a foot brake, six months warranty and are available for the low price of $895. I would tell you where but I don’t like to give out personal information on the internet. My innermost thoughts –yes, my place of employment – no. 

Here Comes the Heteropatriarchy: Sexism in Marital Traditions

By Devonne

I love weddings. Wedding are fun. Weddings involve three of my favourite things – dressing up, eating food that someone else is paying for, and dancing. You know what else I like? Marriage. Love? Commitment? Monogamy? I’m a big fan of all of that. No, not everyone wants those things, and I strongly disagree with the idea that everyone would be happier married. But if you do want those things and you find someone you want them with? Go for it. What I don’t like is heteropatriarchy. And unfortunately, while I would love to just enjoy the candy buffet, and dance to Madonna in my brand new pair of heels, the sexism in marital traditions is just too glaringly obvious.

Heteropatriarchy is a big word – one that my computer doesn’t even recognize (my iPhone has learned to autocomplete it though, it’s such a good little feminist in training) but it has a pretty simple definition. Heteropatriarchy is straight male dominance. Heterosexuality is organized in such a way that the power that men have in society (patriarchy) gets carried into romantic relationships. An example of how this works is that in heterosexual families women do most of the housework and childcare because that’s how our gender roles are set up. In same-sex marriages you can’t decide who stays home with the kids and who works or who does the cooking or cleaning based on gender. So you might actually have to make these decisions based on logical reasons like who makes more money, or who likes their job more, or who is a better cook. So when social conservatives talk about how gay marriage ruins the family? They’re kind of right. It ruins the traditional (aka patriarchal) family because it shows you can have marriages and families without dumb gender roles. And that’s a good thing.

Heteropatriarchy is present in heterosexual relationships before and after a couple ties the knot. Some of the best examples of heteropatriarchy can be found right at the wedding, in certain romanticized traditions. For starters there’s the whole taking the husband’s name thing. This is super romanticized, if  you’re looking for proof just look at the thousands of young girls diaries with Mrs. (boy’s first name) (boy’s last name) written in the margins or take a glance at the recent status update of a not-so-young Facebook friend of mine announcing that she was now  Mrs. __________. Because giving up your name and identity to be defined by your marriage to someone else is supposedly super romantic. There’s the argument that “it’s just a name” and it doesn’t really have anything to do with sexism or the role of women in society. Except that when you ask men if they would take their fiancée’s last name they often exclaim “No! That would be so emasculating!” (direct quote from male relative of mine). If it was just a name, men wouldn’t be so opposed to taking a woman’s name. Clearly names do in fact matter. Am I saying that all women shouldn’t take their husband last names? No, I’m not. I just think that’s there’s lots of other options – both keeping their surnames, taking the wife’s surname, hyphenating, combining, making up a whole new name, and I wish people  would take the time to think about it and discuss it with their partner before just reverting to sexist tradition. I’ve talked to married women who have regretted changing their name and wish they’d thought more carefully about it. Personally, I don’t know what I would do. I like the idea of having the same name as your husband and your children so I think I’d lean more to the combining/hyphenating direction.

Anyways, let’s move on to another sexist marital tradition, one that occurs at the wedding itself. That lovely moment when the father walks his little girl down the aisle to give her away to her groom. Yeah, thanks but no thanks. This one stems back to the days when marriage was a contract and women were property being transferred from one man to another. I think this one is still pretty common, although I have seen a lot of brides on TV (I went through this phase one summer where I watched TLC wedding shows every day) being walked down the aisle by both their mother and father. Which is a tremendous improvement; it recognizes both parents at least and becomes a little less about male dominance. Recently, my friend went to a same-sex wedding where instead of being “given away” both women walked toward each other with their friends and family surrounding them in a circular formation. Now that is actually romantic and heartwarming. And would completely work for a heterosexual couple too. Ideally I’d like to elope (if I get married) but if for some reason I end up having a wedding, I’m totally picking the walk towards each other thing.

And now for the absolute worst marital tradition of all, the one that prompted me to write this post in the first place. A couple weeks ago I’m watching the finale of The Bachelorette. Now I know The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is trashy, ridiculous, and promotes completely unrealistic ideas about love. It very rarely ever actually results in a marriage (the goal of the show).  But just hold off with the judgement over me watching The Bachelorette for a few minutes here.  It’s the finale and we’re down to the final two guys. For those of you who have better things to do than watch women obsess over the fact that they’re not married yet while they travel around the world and make out with as many guys as possible, I will fill you in. This is the part where both guys meet the bachelorette’s family. So I’m watching, eating some ice cream, and thinking about how completely adorable Jef (potential suitor #1) is when he just has to go do something stupid like ask Emily’s (the bachelorette’s) father for permission to propose to her.  Sigh. He’s not perfect after all. Then contestant #2 (Arie) comes along the next day and…asks Emily’s father the same thing. This happens every season without fail so I was hardly surprised. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t seriously irritated though. There are so many things wrong with this. Firstly, Emily is a 26 year old grown woman. She has a kid. She hardly needs her father’s permission to do anything. I understand that for some people parental approval is extremely important. But to ask the father before you even ask the girl? That makes no sense. Also, he’s not asking her mother. Not because Emily is closer with her father or anything like that. No, no, this is all based on the fact that her father is male and therefore is given the position of power. People who are in favor of this practice argue that it’s traditional and it’s “gentlemanly” and it’s really a “respect” thing. What about respect for the woman? Personally I would feel disrespected if my (hypothetical) boyfriend and father were treating me like property being transferred from one man to another. In fact, I’d be so pissed I would turn down the proposal (although seriously, if anyone thought that asking my Dad for permission to marry me was a good idea they clearly don’t know me at all and we shouldn’t be getting married anyway). I don’t know how common this practice actually is, and from what I’ve heard it’s fading away because it’s pretty old-fashioned. But The Bachelor/Bachelorette shows and internet how to guides on how to ask (they suggest you have a man-to-man conversation. Unless the father is dead, in which case you ask the mother) prove that it has not disappeared. If this sexist tradition is for some reason important to one of the people in the relationship or to the parents of someone in the relationship, here is what I would suggest: sit down with both parents of your fiancé/fiancée and ask for their blessing (rather than their son/daughter’s hand). That way the parents are included without the male dominance crap.

Traditions are never devoid of meaning and we should always look at where that tradition originated from and question why we follow it. We sometimes romanticize sexism, when there are so many other non-sexist and more romantic ways to do things. Weddings are wonderful, joyous occasions. And they would that much more wonderful if they didn’t include heteropatriarchy.

An Ode to Marina and the Diamonds

By Claire, Devonne and Rayna

Before we begin our ode to Marina and the Diamonds, we first want to have a small ode to our feminist friend Rayna. Rayna is funny, smart, opinionated and she is co-writing this post as a guest-blogger! Welcome Rayna!

So who exactly is Marina and the Diamonds and why is she so awesome? Well, she’s Welsh, she’s a pop artist, she’s awesome, she’s got a beautiful voice, she’s a talented song-writer, she’s awesome, she’s super stylish…have we mentioned she’s awesome?  Have you noticed that we’re saying “she” and not “they? If you thought this was a band, don’t worry about it. Many a poorly informed music reviewer has made this mistake, much to our dismay. “She” is a solo artist and her full name is Marina Diamandis. “The Diamonds” refers to her fans (which mean we’re Diamonds.Obviously). We’ve been following her career since her first album, The Family Jewels, debuted in 2010. Now, two years later, she’s released a new album, Electra Heart. Which we absolutely adore.

Musically, Marina has been compared to many artists, including Katy Perry and Lana Del Ray. While Marina’s music can match other popular artists in being fun and catchy, her lyrics are intellectual and witty in a way that is hard to rival. The subject matter of her songs ranges from the American Dream, to love, ambition, and our personal favourite topic  - feminism. It’s a little deeper than “We danced on table tops and we took too many shots”. And it’s not just that her lyrics can be interpreted as feminist. Marina actually says she’s a feminist, a very rare statement for anyone in today’s pop culture. In an interview with UK magazine Company, when asked if she sees herself as a feminist Marina responds with “Yes...everybody thinks it’s about hairy legged women who hate men. But it’s not”. Contrast that with Ellie Goulding’s response in the exact same magazine where she states “No...I don’t give a shit if an artist is male or female, as long as the music is great. But I don’t think that’s being a feminist, I think that’s about equality” (Ellie please be directed to blog post one where we define feminism). Feminism has such a negative connotation that most people state they’re not a feminist as quickly as possible. For Marina to openly say she’s a feminist and actually understand the meaning of the word, is a breath of fresh air.

One of our favourite songs from Marina’s new album is “Sex, Yeah”. It sounds like it would be a vapid and shallow song, but it’s actually a comment on raunch culture and the gender stereotypes prevalent in Western society. Her lyrics lament that “nothing is provocative anymore, even for kids,” while telling us to “question what the TV tells [us]...question good and question bad”. While we are often taught to be critical thinkers, this message doesn’t usually come from pop songs. The chorus questions gender roles, wishing that “history could set you free from who you were supposed to be” and that “sex in our society didn’t tell a girl who she would be” . We could continue analyzing every line in this song but it’s probably best if you just listen to it yourself.

Seriously. Go to youtube. Now. Also while you are there take a couple minutes to watch one of her satirical music videos. We recommend “Hollywood”,  “Oh No!”, and “Primadonna”.

We live in a society where pop stars are common role models for young girls. And while that may be an issue in itself, if you’re going to look up to a pop star, Marina, with her confidence, intelligence and outspoken feminism, is a pretty good choice.

Why London 2012 Matters for Women

by Claire

For the first time in the history of the Olympics, every country has sent both female and male athletes, and all sports are open to both men and women. This is a historic moment for female athletes, showing both how far we have come, and how far we have to go. 

The last holdout countries were Brunei, Qatar and Saudi Arabia. After a veritable amount of international pressure including suggestions that should they not send female athletes, their male athletes should be disallowed from competing in the games, every single country has complied, though with the stipulation of a number of restrictions being placed upon the female athletes (that do not apply to male athletes.)

Women athletes from Saudi Arabia (which was the last country to agree to send women, a decision made only a few weeks ago) agreed only under the stipulation that women would wear clothing complying with Sharia law (basically everything except the face, hands and feet covered,) they require permission of their male guardians, who must travel with them, and they are not allowed to associate with men other than their male guardians. Yes, these restrictions stem from the religious culture of the area, and we live in a time where we aim to respect all cultures, but it should be pointed out that at one time Western culture was also sexist. Fortunately, we’ve (mostly) moved past that, at least to the point where women can compete at the Olympics in all of the same events as men, without debate. 

While these restrictions are blatantly sexist, and it is deplorable that it took 112 years from the time women were first allowed to compete for this moment to come, it is a reason to celebrate, for women everywhere, not just in Saudi Arabia, Qatar and Brunei. 

Unfortunately, many female athletes are invited to the Olympics on “wild card” invitations, rather than actually qualifying for the events. While the does kind of seem like we’re just placating gender equality activists by just putting women into the Olympics who have no real hope of placing anywhere noteworthy, it is important to bear in mind that many of these women come from places where there are so many barriers to them participating in sports that it is impressive for them to have made it as far as the Olympics. Having female athletes compete, even if they finish in the very last place, minutes after the next competitor, will only help to allow other girls and women to compete and participate in sport, both team and individual. They may finish dead last, but that athlete could be a hero in the eyes of so many little girls who need to be shown that it is okay for them to kick a ball, or to run for miles, despite what their culture may tell them. 

The Olympics do not come without their problems. There are politics that get in the way, corporate sponsorships that give unfair advantages to some athletes (ahem, Michael Phelps) and while others live in poverty, there is the sexualization of female athletes, and a host of other problems. But at the very heart of the Olympic games is the fostering of international relations, cooperation and friendship, the celebration of human athletic achievement, and a little (or a lot) of healthy competition. One only needs to looks at the face of the Qatar team’s flag bearer (one of the first female athletes from that country) and the hundreds of other athletes as they walk into the stadium during the opening ceremonies, to understand this. 

Victories during the Olympics come in big and small sizes. For some athletes, it is simply the ability to compete in state of the art facilities, which are distant dreams back home. For others, it is achieving a new personal best in their sport. Representing their country on an international level. Meeting new people and learning new ideas. Inspiring Olympic dreams in young athletes. Encouraging someone to take up a new sport. For a select few, setting a new world record. The massive steps towards the universal inclusion of women in the Olympic games is a big victory, one that should be celebrated everywhere.